I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
