turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
