Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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