nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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