i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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