dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
