if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
