there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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