3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
