I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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