I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
