If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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