I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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