i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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