Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
