Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You ruined the universe
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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