My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
