just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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