I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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