Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
