My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
