Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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