Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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