When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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