I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
