Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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