Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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