ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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