Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
