Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
