my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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