she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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