Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His nipple licking is glorious
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
