you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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