dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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