ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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