I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
