Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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