Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize