whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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