I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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