Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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