Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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