So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
