this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
