Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
