i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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