$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
