Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
