I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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