So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I looked at my own cervix.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Houston, we have a blender
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
