It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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