taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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