Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
