Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
