Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
