what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
